Dashboard Confessional

The Hogs Basketball Team Ain't Very Good, Y'all

Recently, my family was eating lunch at a Mexican restaurant on a Sunday afternoon. It was in a newer, mixed-use development in which multiple restaurants had their own exterior entrances, but they all shared common bathrooms which were accessed by exiting the back of the restaurant and entering a shared hallway that connects all of the businesses in the building.

My wife took my five-year-old son to the bathroom at some point during the meal. When they came back to open the glass door to come back inside our restaurant he saw a sign that looked like this:

“Hey, Mom. Can I tell you something? Why are we going to a None Guns and Swords store?”

I love the minds of children. Honest, unfiltered, inquisitive, and creative come to mind in describing them. So creative in-fact I thought my son might have just accidentally named a great early 2000s emo band.

This thought immediately made my mind jump back to college. My freshman year, while living in a glorious 10’x10’ concrete prison cell, named for the latin word that means sleeping place, and more commonly known as a dorm, my roommate was a huge Dashboard Confessional fan. He had one of those fancy six-CD-boombox things that had a built in alarm clock. In fact, I woke up every morning for an entire semester to this sound:

He was a heavy sleeper, too. So I always got to hear the entire song and most mornings, hear it multiple times.

This song was released by Dashboard Confessional on the 2004 soundtrack for Spider-Man 2. After having received a special screening of the film, pianist and lead singer Chris Carrabba penned Vindicated in a matter of minutes, inspired by and reflecting the theme of the film. However, in an interview with Rolling Stone, he later said that the song was less about Peter Parker and more about “the emotions of being a young adult.”

I would describe that feeling as angsty. And that’s exactly how I feel about the Arkansas Razorbacks basketball team right now.

We find ourselves sitting at 0-4 in SEC play (11-6 overall, including 1-6 v teams in the top-two quadrants). This was the team that was supposed to be a Final Four contender. Remember when Vegas listed them with the 4th best odds to win the national championship?

Now, the updated KenPom rankings predict the Hogs to be 17-14 headed into the SEC tournament. So what gives?

Let’s take a look at how a few lyrics from Vindicated sum up the Hogs.

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow-spinning redemption
Winding in, and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

With only 14 conference games to go (plus 1 or 2 in the SEC tournament), it is starting to seem unlikely that Arkansas will be able to get to the magical 20-game win total to get a ticket to the Big Dance in March.

Hope is fading, but it’s not lost. Coach John Calipari is a Hall of Fame Coach, and he has an NBA-talented roster. If Jonas Aidoo or Nelly Davis would do their job and play like they did last year, which made them the top players in the transfer portal market, we will start winning games.

So clear, like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized, and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye

Coach Cal was supposed to be the answer. We paid up for a coach with a hefty price tag of $7 million per year. We then opened our checkbooks and let him buy the best players in the country. It was flashy. It caught the attention of basketball fans all over the country.

But there’s more to this than meets the eye.

If it were 2004 (when the referenced song was released), and Cal was running the dribble-drive offense with this roster, we would be unstoppable. At that time, no one knew how to stop this system with big guards aggressively penetrating.

But basketball has evolved. And Cal has not. Now, the only way for our system to work is for the penetrating guard to either be able to finish strong at the rack (We are not. We went 2 of 16 on layups against Ole Miss last week), kick out to an assassin of a 3-point shooter (Nelly can’t find his stroke), or hit a bounce pass or lob to a powerful big (Aidoo is playing timid off that injury).

Arkansas is shooting 36% from the field in conference play which ranks them 15th out of 16. They are 26% from 3-point range which ranks them 13th out of 16. And their 63.8 points per game ranks 15th out of 16.

Turns out we might have paid a diamond price for a cubic zirconia.

Defense is paper-thin
Just one touch, and I'd be in

This is pretty straight forward. We are blocking a lot of shots (top 5 in the country), but we are also giving up a lot of easy baskets because we are jumping to block every shot and we can’t seem to get a defensive rebound to save our lives.

Additionally, our guards are playing with such intensity on both sides of the ball that they are gassed in the second half. The lack of depth to give those guys a breather is starting to show.

Vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong
I am right, I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

Vindicated means “to show or prove to be right, reasonable, or justified.” This one is for Kentucky fans that tried to tell us Cal was past his prime and out to pasture. They would have fired him if they could have afforded to.

I think Kentucky fans are enjoying watching us fail with Cal at the helm more than they are enjoying their own early success under new head coach Mark Pope.

I’m not saying we made a bad hire. And I don’t think Calipari can’t be successful at Arkansas, but I can be unbiased and honestly say Kentucky fans might have been on to something. While the furnace may still be capable of keeping us warm or even catching fire, for now, the pilot light seems to be out.

And to add our confused and ever-changing, teenage-like emotions we also have FOMO.

We can’t help but be consumed by the fear of missing out when we look and see what former Hogs are doing around the country this year.

• USC - Eric Musselman left us for a cuter SoCal babe. While his team is only 11-6 on the season. They did get a double digit win on the road against top-20 Illinois (who we lost to on Thanksgiving Day) and will likely make the NCAA Tournament.

• Arkansas State - The Red Wolves are off to a 13-5 start thanks to the help of former Hogs Derrian Ford and Joseph Pinion. They should make the NCAA Tournament.

• DePaul - They are only 10-9 this year, but are playing way better than in years past. Last night, former Hog Layden Blocker scored 14 points and lead the team to its first conference win since December 2022.

• Texas - The Longhorns sit at 12-5 with a great chance of making the NCAA Tournament thanks to the help of former Hog Tramon Mark.

• Oklahoma State - The Pokes are only 9-5, but it’s still be hard to watch homegrown and 4-year contributor, Devo Davis, put on that ugly orange uniform this season.

• Gonzaga - The Zags are 14-5 and ranked #16 in the country. They are led by former Hog Khalif Battle. He’s averaging 14 points per game and is one of the nations best free throw shooters at 93% (we could use one of those, you know).

• Kentucky - They are 14-3 and ranked #6 in the nation. Their top 3-point shooter and one of their overall scoring leaders is Jaxson Robinson. I kind of forgot that he still had eligibility. He played well at BYU and came with Coach Mark Pope to Kentucky in the offseason.

Damnit! There’s Kentucky again. Maybe we will wear all-black alternate uniforms and bring back the Devo-Davis-era painted fingernails for today’s game against the Missouri Tigers.

We are just misunderstood and trying to figure out our true identity. We will continue to put up a fight in most games. But unfortunately, it appears we don’t have enough weapons or maybe the right general to get over the hump and win many games. We are None Guns and Swords.