Putting a Band-Aid on a Bullet Hole

Politics, Booze, Fancy Fast Food, and Hogs Sports

It’s 1985. In the basement of a Mexican restaurant named El Camion in London’s SoHo district, bartender Dick Bradsell was watching the clock and tidying up the bar he worked at which was known as the Pink Chihuahua. It had been a long day and he was slightly irritated that the owners had agreed to let the Illy coffee company install an espresso machine in “his” bar that morning. It was a tight space before, and he didn’t really want to give up precious real estate for something that’s normally only used for breakfast. When will this shift ever end, he thought.

Then, in what plays out like a scene of a movie where the door opens to a bar, the music stops, and everyone turns to look, in walks one of London’s hottest supermodels. She’s dressed to the nines and walks right up to Dick and says, “Make me a drink that will wake me up and then f*** me up.”

Hoping to impress the girl, Dick used his new coffee machine to make a shot of espresso and added vodka, Kailua, and Tia Maria. He chilled it in his cocktail shaker and then poured it into a martini glass.

The girl took a sip and said, “This is great. What’s it called? Just in case I want another?”

“It’s umm… It’s called umm… It’s an Espresso Martini.” Dick Bradsell had just invented what would become the most popular drink of the mid-2020s.

Mixing caffeine with alcohol to be able to stay up and party longer is a recipe for disaster. At some point your body is going to force you to catch up on sleep.

It’s delaying the inevitable.

Another example of this that was in the news this week is a filibuster. After Senator Cory Booker spoke for 25 hours and 5 minutes straight, breaking the record for the longest congressional speech, interest in the term filibuster surged.

A filibuster is an action designed to prolong debate and delay or prevent a vote on a bill, resolution, amendment, or other debatable question. Its origins come from the Spanish word filibustero which translates to freebooter or pirate.

Trying to hijack a debate or discussion is exactly what Strom Thurmond had in mind when he spoke for 24 hours and 18 minutes to attempt to delay the vote on the Civil Rights Act of 1957. He talked a long time, but it still passed.

Cory Booker passed Thurmond and set a new record, but he technically wasn’t filibustering. There was nothing he was trying to delay or pirate. Instead, he just talked for more than a day straight with no breaks for food or using the bathroom.

He just postponed certainty.

Great, but this is a Substack about Razorbacks sports. Kyle, will you land the plane already?

Of course I will. Thanks for asking. We are in the odd sports-lull where the Hogs basketball season is over and the football spring game hasn’t happened yet. There are two things are fans are doing right now that both fit the theme of delaying the inevitable.

1. Get Stoked for Hogs Baseball, but “Know” We Won’t Win a Championship

Arkansas has had an amazing baseball program for the past 23 years. We’ve only missed the post-season once, but we have never won a national championship.

Baseball players and fans are some of the most superstitious people I have ever met. So I’m sure I’ll get blasted for this, but there’s something special about this team.

The Razorbacks improved to 30-3 after sweeping Missouri this weekend. On Saturday, they won 21-3, which is the most points scored in a conference game during the coach Dave Van Horn era (since 2003). And they did it in only 6 innings (our 10th mercy-rule win of the season).

They have also now swept three-straight conference opponents, which is the most in program history. We had never gone 9-0 in consecutive conference games. And we didn’t do it this time by squeaking by. We’ve won those games by a combined run total of 106-25.

Look for the Hogs to move up to #1 in the polls when they come out tomorrow.

2. Get Stoked for Hogs Basketball Based on the New Roster, but “Know” We Won’t Win a Championship

For most of my life I’ve been able to read a Wally Hall or Bob Holt piece about Arkansas recruiting. They would both write with Razorbacks-red-tinted glasses. They talk about a kid that picked Arkansas over UCA and North Eastern Michigan Technical College for the Slightly Blind as if they are the next #1 draft pick.

It’s like describing Taco Bell menu items like a Michelin 3-star restaurant would describe its food. I liked this thought exercise so I got some help from Gemini:

Amuse-Bouche

• The Volcano Taco: A Study in Capsaicin Heat: Encased within a distinctive corn tortilla shell, notable for its potential fiery hue and exceptional crispness, lies a foundation of expertly seasoned terre de boeuf mingling with sharp, aged cheddar râpé. Cool, crisp ribbons of laitue glacée provide a textural counterpoint. The experience culminates with a generous anointment of our much-celebrated 'Lava Sauce' – a proprietary, intensely piquant, and unctuously creamy cheese emulsion delivering a volcanic surge of warmth and profound savory depth. A bold expression reserved for the adventurous palate.

Premier Cours (First Course)

• Bean Burrito: A velvety purée of slow-stewed pinto beans forms the heart of this composition. Enhanced by sharp, diced white onion and a vibrant, zesty red chili emulsion. Enveloped within a warm tortilla de farineembrace, unified by molten cheddar fromage.

Deuxième Cours (Second Course)

• Cheesy Gordita Crunch: A fascinating duality. A crisp taco de maïs, filled with seasoned terre de boeuf, crisp laitue, and a proprietary spicy ranch-style créma, finds itself nestled within a warm, pillowy pain plat. The two are bonded by an unctuous layer of molten three-cheese blend. An adventure in textural interplay.

Plat Principal (Main Course)

• Crunchwrap Supreme: A masterful hexagonal construction. A tortilla de farine, precisely folded and griddled to golden-brown perfection. Within its layers lie seasoned terre de boeuf, warm molten fromage nacho, crisp laitue, vine-ripened tomate dice, and tangy crème fraîche. At its core, a surprise: a crisp tostada disc providing internal structure and signature crunch.

Dessert

• Cinnamon Twists: Ephemeral spirals of blé, flash-fried to achieve an impossible lightness and delicate crunch. Dusted generously while warm with a fragrant mélange of fine Ceylan cinnamon and granulated sucre. A feather-light finale.

Boisson Spéciale (Specialty Beverage)

• Baja Blast™: A signature effervescent elixir, exclusively commissioned. Vibrant turquoise in hue, it presents a lively carbonation carrying distinct notes of tropical lime and undisclosed exotic fruit essences. Served chilled to perfection.

Like 20 years ago, when I was the designated driver one night for a group of buddies going out, my friend Jake tried to order 100 of this amuse-bouche taco in a late-night drive-thru. If he read this description, he might have ordered 1000.

So here’s how the Razorbacks roster is shaping up for next season:

So far here’s what's been announced for our ‘25-’26 roster:

Leaving Seniors / Out of Eligibility:

• Nelly Davis

• Jonas Aidoo

• Kareem Watkins

• Lawson Blake

Entering Transfer Portal:

• Big Z

• Casmir Chavis

• Melo Sanchez

Entering NBA Draft:

• Boogie Fland

Incoming Freshmen:

• Darius Acuff Jr - HS Signee - 6’2” PG

• Meleek Thomas - HS signee - 6’3” Guard

• Isaiah Sealy - HS signee - 6’7” Guard

• Karim Rtail - signed (from Lithuania) - 6’8” Forward

But here’s what I’m hearing:

1. Adou Thiero is going pro

2. We will retain Karter Knox, Billy Richmond, DJ Wagner, and Trevon Brazile

3. We will go with 12 scholarship players this season to help with depth

4. Our expected transfer portal players are: Somto Cyril - Georgia Transfer - 6’11” Center, Malique Ewin - Florida State Transfer - 6’11” Forward, Nick Pringle - South Carolina Transfer - 6’10” Forward, and Lamar Wilkerson - Sam Houston Transfer - 6’4” Guard (originally from Ashdown, AR and 45% 3-point shooter this season)

5. Nate Ament delaying his commitment from the McDonalds All-American game to this week had something to do with the Hogs making a late push.

The transfer portal window closes on April 22nd and the deadline to declare for the NBA draft is April 26th. So we are less than three weeks away from being pumped about officially knowing what our basketball roster will look like for next season.

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But as I was writing this while watching the Final Four games Saturday night, I was going to continue the theme of “delaying the inevitable” and say despite the excitement surrounding the baseball team’s success and the basketball roster now, Arkansas fans will do what they do best and be disappointed next season.

I was going to say it’s like wasting time watching all these Duke games because we know they are going to win the national championship, but then Houston went on a 15-3 run in the last minute-and-a-half to stun Duke 70-67.

Maybe our fate isn’t predetermined. Maybe, just maybe, one of these teams will be the one that gets Arkansas another championship banner.

“Make me a drink that will wake me up and then f*** me up.”