Arkansas Razorback basketball fans emerging from a trance

An 0-5 SEC start for the Hogs has ended the show

About halfway through the second half of yesterday’s game against Missouri—around the time the Tigers withstood yet another mini-run from the Razorbacks and built their lead back up to legal voting age—I was reminded of one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life. Can’t imagine why.

In college, I was publicly hypnotized by a pop hypnotist. It was exactly what you’re thinking. “You’re getting sleepy. When I snap my fingers, you will fall into a deep slumber (but still be able to hear me, a man you’ve just met). When I say the word hummus, you will stand up and pretend you work at a street meat cart and begin making me a falafel platter.”

I don’t remember most of the specifics of my “hypnosis” that night, but I’ll never forget how I felt immediately after. I returned to my seat, where some friends waited in the audience, and my friend Grant asked what it was like.

“Weird” was all I could muster, but not because I was returning to reality from some walking dream state. No, it was quite the opposite. Weird was all I could muster because when I got back to my seat, I was sitting face-to-face with an uncomfortable truth.

I was fully in control that whole time. And, boy, did I feel embarrassed by my actions.

Waking up from hypnosis

Hog fans feel ashamed. It’s as simple as that. Whatever outward projections you see on your social media feeds, you can guarantee it’s a manifestation of shame.

The power of persuasion, coupled with the power of suggestion, is an unbeatable combination and the backbone of hypnotists, mediums, magicians, and mentalists. That’s why they ask for volunteers and never force anyone to participate. Having someone willing to believe is half the battle.

Hog fans wanted to believe, and I’m very much including myself. At this point, my 14-4 SEC record prediction from our conference preview article looks buffoonish. 

But there were signs that we had unrealistic expectations for this team dating back even before that. Around the time the season began, I wrote an article exploring what different advanced metrics sites said the Hogs would do this season. The average projected finish across those three was 19-12. The Hogs would need to go 8-5 across their final 13 games to even reach that mark.

I saw that 19-12 prediction and said, “Nah, son. This is a 25-win team.” Again, I seem like a fool.

And we all know exactly why.

John Calipari is a master of persuasion

Coach Calipari is arguably the greatest recruiter in the history of college basketball. In a piece where I am laying bare all the ways I feel duped and dumbfounded by this basketball team, I still feel confident in typing that sentence.

Case in point: This man was hated in Arkansas while he was Kentucky's coach. Hog fans (and I’m again including myself here) celebrated when he was upset by Oakland in the first round of the NCAA Tournament last season. It took him all of about seven days to get us all on his side through a jocular press conference and deference to Nolan Richardson.

You are getting very sleepy…

In the ensuing weeks, he followed up by taking a roster with zero players and turning it into the fourth-ranked high school class, the top-ranked transfer class, and the third-ranked class overall, according to 247Sports. 

When I snap my fingers, you will fall into a deep trance…

The cherry on top was having all of his former players with their millions and millions and millions of NBA dollars come out in support of Cal wherever he coached. One former Kentucky player even showed up to practice and donned Razorbacks gear.

When I say delicious evening snack, you will purchase Tyson-brand chicken nuggets…

But now, after an 0-5 start in SEC play—the only time we’ve ever done that—the show is over, and we’re back in our seats collectively feeling “weird.”

So what now?

It’s easy to feel doom and gloom about this team. And it is admittedly hard to find a silver lining because there is no clear path to better play.

I’m here to support all the folks who have just emerged from their trance. There is reason to believe life will get better.

For starters, the Razorbacks have 13 conference games remaining. Eight of them are against the bottom half of the SEC. This is a deep, deep league, so that’s not saying much, but it is something. I truly believe if the Hogs can get to 7-11 in conference, they will make the tournament this year because of how highly-regarded the league is. Going 7-6 over the final 13 wouldn’t be unheard of.

Second, this is the youngest team in the league in terms of experience. Hopefully, they will continue to improve as they play together, and we’ll see this team playing its best basketball in February and March.

Finally, Calipari has coached 30 seasons (excluding the COVID-19 year) prior to arriving at Arkansas, and he’s only missed the NCAA Tournament seven times. So even if it happens this year, there is reason to believe he’d have the program bounce back next season.

Maybe I’m still under his spell, but none of this seems far-fetched. Speaking of, I think I’ll go take a nap because I’m feeling very sleepy.